Drunk Puppies and Weird Parental Anecdotes

So I have a slug/snail problem in my yard. These slimy bastards will eat everything. So I had my husband buy some really cheap beer and I put it in some plates and laid them around the garden. While I was doing this Meg was investigating...and apparently tasting the beer. I caught her at it and got her back in the house without a problem. Continue on with our nightly routine of washing kids, brushing teeth, and feeding dogs. After we feed the dogs we let them outside to go to the bathroom. And this time we (and by "we" I mean me) forgot that there was beer out there that Meg apparently really likes. Thankfully I remember pretty quick and she didn't get a whole lot. But she did toss her cookies over night so apparently she got enough. Lesson learned: Don't put beer in the garden where the dog can reach it.

Ahh, parenthood. The things you find yourself saying never cease to amaze. A few gems I have collected recently:

1. I've had a vagina longer than you; I know how to wipe it.
2. Don't shove your hand up the dog's butt!
3. No, shampoo is not made of poop.
4. Playing "school" does not involve tying your brother up!
5. Stop playing with my tampons!
6. No, you may not keep the dead bird as a pet.
7. Son, your penis isn't meant to bend that way.
8. Stop sitting in the sink, you don't fit in it! (referring to the play kitchen in the playroom)
9. No, Daddy's not saying "roar!" Daddy's throwing up, son. Let's leave him alone.
10. No, no, sweetie! Doggies don't go in the dryer.