LÄRABARs can suck my nuts!

Heh. Heh. Get it?

For those of you who have not heard of or seen these things, I will share with you the deliciousness of the LÄRABAR...and why they can suck my nuts. :P

Okay, in a nut shell a LÄRABAR is a snack bar made out of nuts, dried fruit, and some spices (relatively speaking). And they are damn tasty. They also tend to adhere to the following dietary restrictions:
  • Raw Diets
  • Gluten Free
  • Paleo/Primal 
  • Dairy Free
  • Soy Free
  • Peanut Free (in certain recipes)
  • Vegetarian/Vegan
  • Low Carb (kinda)

These things are really good. And they come in a vast array of flavors. They have no preservatives, no freaky chemicals, and they use non-GMO ingredients. Sounds like a crunchy-mom's wet dream, right? So why can they suck my nuts?

Well, they are SERIOUSLY over priced. We're talkin' $25 for a box of 16 1.6oz bars. That's $1.50 per bar and these things are teee-NI-neee! I mean, to me, if I can make it at home for a fraction of the cost at little to no stress...then it's over priced. And I can make these puppies at home for little to no stress at a fraction of the cost. And I will shares this with you. Because I am a beautiful person. And you should worship me.

Seriously tasty, healthy, fruit bars.


1 cup Dates, pitted
1 cup roasted, unsalted nuts of your choice
1 food processor
1 rolling pin
Parchment paper
Plastic bags

Toss edible items into food processor and chop until contents start to get gooey. Roll it out between two pieces of parchment, slice it up, and enjoy. Tada!

...didn't that seem like it was worth $1.50? Seriously, that's it! That's all you have to do! Granted, the "recipe" above is kinda bland, but you can do whatever you want with these puppies. And I'll give you a few ideas...

Apple Pie Bars
1 cup unsweetened, dried apple slices
1 cup pitted dates
2 cups walnuts
1/4 cup raisins
Cinnamon to taste
Clove to taste

Directions: Grind the hell out of everything in the food processor. Roll it out, cut it up, eat it. Lasts for 3 months on the counter top and could possibly last forever in the fridge. Possibly. But not certain.

Almond Joy Bars
1 cup pitted dates
1 cup unsweetened coconut flakes
1 cup dark chocolate (65% cacao or darker)
2 1/2 cups almonds or macadamias

Directions: Do I really need to repeat myself? BLEND IT, BABY!

So, there are my little gems for the day. Take these ideas and run wild, children. Or search online for more recipes. But either way, don't buy another LÄRABAR again without first thinking to yourself "If I could make this at home, would I feel like a jackass for eating it?"